When things are going tough, when the mountain seems to be too high, when there are obstacles after obstacle, you wonder where God is. You wonder where God is leading you to. You wonder what God is trying to tell you. You feel down, isolated, drained. You wonder, "Is it worth it?"
When the situations become better and easier, when you are ascending the mountain nicely, when you are slowly but surely overcoming obstacles after obstacles, when doors are being opened for you, you thank God. You thank Him for His presence and providence. You thank Him for opening the doors. Yet at the same time, you secretly wonder when will God finally slam the door in your face, bolt it with the strongest lock in the world, and tell you that right from the start, this journey is not meant for you. "But I helped you along so that you can build up your hope. But, dude, it is time to end the party." You secretly secretly wonder, "So what's the catch for all these opened doors?"
We sometimes have this wrong impression of God because we are humans who have the tendency to believe in what we can see, touch and hold. We want to believe in ourselves, relying on our might. We want to believe in our network, who knows so-and-so. We want to believe in our achievements and track records, that these will be impressive enough to get you what you want. It is easy and easier to believe in all these.
In contrast, to believe in God, who is physically invisible, is tough. It takes faith to put everything in the hands of the Sovereign Lord, who we cannot even see, much less touch or hold, physically. In fact, that's faith - believing in what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Being sure and certain. Of our hope and what we do not see.
So as I continue to journey on, I am reminding myself to journey on with faith. Faith in God who promises that all things work together for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Whatever is the outcome, I know that it is part of God's plan for me.